I work in customer service for an MLM, answering phone
calls, emails, and live chats. It’s less fun than it sounds and less fulfilling
every day. To quote the Broadway show, [Title of Show], “My day job… is
killing me softly. I wrote
this song sitting at my desk today: Can't you see that I'm dying inside?
Can't you see that I'm dying inside? If you shined a flashlight in my
butt you'd see I'm dying inside.”
As part of my duties, I’m often called upon to help people
who aren’t comfortable with computers to navigate our web site. I actually really like
doing that because I feel like I’m teaching them a skill that can be applied to
many future online adventures, not necessarily just with our company. Once I
taught a lady how to scroll down so she could see more of the text on the
screen. I felt something like what an eye surgeon must feel, having opened at
least half of the world to this individual who will no longer live in
semi-darkness. I'm not being sarcastic; I really do like helping people in this way. Since I can’t see their computer screen and they don’t know
computer words it can be difficult to help them sometimes, but it’s a rewarding
challenge (which is somewhat rare for me in customer service; there’s often a
challenge but usually no emotional reward).
What I can’t stand, though, is the constant, incoherent muttering
certain customers employ while trying to figure it out themselves, even though
they called me for help. They usually do this at a lower than conversational
volume, but not low enough to be whispering. It’s like they want me to hear the
inner thoughts they’re not quite having. Today, for example, there was a guy
who couldn’t log into his account.
Me: Click where it says “forgot password.”
Customer: Ok ok yeah I see uh yeah ok my number and then
whuhh sumfooah hmm sfah shhhh hrmm… so I see I’ll ch-hoomin haaaahmmn grimb
shah… that’s hard to read mnchaaa figleh hargoonaah… That didn’t pash
smiffulaaaa crm sommy cha… how come scuhuh frivelleeee kafrim… ok ok, then let’ssssssss
ha mrang aaaaaand…
FYI – this is a screen with 3 questions on it. I can tell at
this point that either A) he misspelled the nonsensical security phrase or B) he
got it right but doesn’t see the notice that says so because he’s too focused
on only one section of the screen, so he keeps repeating the request over and
over again without moving on. I suspect B. When you work in customer service,
you’re not supposed to interrupt your customers. Even so I can’t listen to
mutterings forever – it won’t help him accomplish his goal and it’s driving me
CRAZY – so I try to interject:
Me: Sir, does it sa-
Customer: I’m hamana sho vahhhhh ok ok, yeah then shroooofis
Me: SIR -
Customer: Mhm, yes, then I put my number and haaaaa
Me: Please allow me to help –
Customer: frmin pah type that there an I cheee ma dooley
Me: What does it sa-
Customer: I see, I see, ch-hoomin nmm froooo mrnn gar
Me: Look at the –
Customer: Uh huh, yeah, I’m just shrookin for mingus
Me: SIR, PLEASE –
Customer: I’m doing hhhhaaaaa wul mrphin gum fhumm…
By the way, the ellipses don’t indicate pauses because these
customers don’t break for help or for breath; they’re there to signify the mumbles
getting quieter and my lack of desire to continue to type them out. If you
think this is irritating to read, you should try listening to it. I’m not
kidding, I’m not exaggerating, and it happens all the time. I finally did get
through to this guy. I could tell he felt sheepish about it, which made me feel
guilty even though I raised my voice without emotion, solely as an effort to
communicate.
Clearly, the moral is that if you’re going to ask a question,
you have to shut up to get the answer. I wonder if God is trying to teach me
that very lesson, and if He’ll continue to send me these people until I learn
it. I seem to understand the principle, but maybe I’m not applying it very
well.
