Quizzes Are Dumb

I just took this quiz to find out how privileged I am: http://www.buzzfeed.com/regajha/how-privileged-are-you. 

The first time I took it, I got 49 out of 100 points of privilege and was told, "You’re not privileged at all. You grew up with an intersectional, complicated identity, and life never let you forget it. You’ve had your fair share of struggles, and you’ve worked hard to overcome them. We do not live in an ideal world and you had to learn that the hard way. It is not your responsibility to educate those with more advantages than you, but if you decide you want to, go ahead and send them this quiz. Hopefully it will help."

That's interesting and somewhat validating, but some of the questions were hard to answer. For example, I'm pretty sure I have been called a racial slur (both in jest and in earnest) but it was so long ago I can hardly remember and it didn't affect my self-esteem in any way. Name calling is always hurtful, but the weight of the slurs that apply to me simply doesn't compare to the weight of slurs for other races. That may not be fair but not much about the world is, and, "My racial slur doesn't receive or warrant as much indignation as yours," is really... I don't know; what's less significant than a first world problem? And if I have to think about it this much, does it even count? Have I really been racially slurred? The letter-of-the-law answer is yes. The spirit-of-the-law answer, maybe not.

The quiz also asks whether or not strangers have ever wanted to touch my hair. This is likely in reference to oblivious white people invading the personal space of black people and making them feel judged as unusual and put on display because of their hair's style or texture. Well, as a kid I had very long, straight, blond hair. The other girls in my elementary school were always touching my hair, asking to braid it or just play with it, even girls I didn't know. I remember once sitting on the risers in music class and my hair was being pulled in 4 different directions by inept would-be stylists. So, yes, strangers have asked to touch my hair. It certainly singled me out as different but it didn't make me feel uncomfortable. Unlike my sister and niece (also white) who can't stand when strangers reach for their curls, I love when people play with my hair. It makes my eyes roll back into my head and I drool a little. It's embarrassing to think of now, but since I was never offended when strangers asked it of me I know there were times when I was that obnoxious white girl who asked to touch a black girl's hair. This was when I was young and didn't have boundaries or any social context.

"I have never lied about my sexuality," is another tough one. I've never had to hide the fact that I'm a girl who likes boys, but the word "sexuality" implies more than just sexual preference, and I can be pretty reserved about all that stuff, especially with authority figures. I never HAD to lie, but I certainly DID lie about what I was up to from time to time. Likewise, I answered that I have been called derogatory slurs for a homosexual, but since I am not a homosexual that is more of an insult to homosexuals than to me. "Don't be gay, just jump in already!" said my lesbian friend at the pool one day. On the flip side, I have been singled out as odd for being heterosexual, "I don't get how anyone in this day and age can be completely straight," and you should hear the comments when someone finds out you're a sexually abstinent adult! 

But back to this silly quiz; I don't have any student loans because I never took any out and haven't graduated college, not because I could afford to go to school without them. Also, sometimes people go to bed hungry by choice, not necessity. 

Long story short, I took the quiz a second time and got 51 out of 100 points of privilege. Only 2 points of difference, but now the quiz maker tells me, "You’re quite privileged. You’ve had a few struggles, but overall your life has been far easier than most. This is not a bad thing, nor is it something to be ashamed of. But you should be aware of your advantages and work to help others who don’t have them. Thank you for checking your privilege." 

A 2 point change takes me from, "You’re not privileged at all," to "You’re quite privileged." The mathematical difference between my "fair share" of struggles and "a few" struggles in an otherwise easy life is, apparently, 2. Out of 100. Because there are only 100 ways someone can be privileged or disadvantaged. 

This is not science. It was interesting, though, and I do think that it's got some good things going for it. It is definitely important to be aware of what you have and of what others don't have. I think it does more good than harm, even if it is oversimplified and a bit high-handed. 

You should take the quiz and let me know what you get and what you think about it. Were there only 2 possible results or were there more? Comments are welcome. 

I Read It.

It wasn't easy, but I read that old journal from 1995. It was delightfully wretched. Highlights include sincere use of the word "mackin'" and the phrase, "Really cool Dr. Seuss hats." Both were in an entry about a trip to Six Flags Astroworld with the school band. Awesome.

It's funny how I talked about people and things as if they'd matter forever. I'd use only their first names with no explanation or context for who they are. I sprained my memory on someone who was in a play with me for a few weeks one summer. We never got close and I never saw her again, but she was older than me and therefore very cool. Good thing she's in my journal. On the other hand, it was kind of awesome to see those names that do still matter to me. I mean, I can remember that I met a friend in 6th grade, but the pleasant jolt of seeing their name written down for the first time in my handwriting in what I thought would be a record of complete garbage is different somehow; more significant. I realized that I've ALWAYS cared about this person.

It was weird to watch myself mature somewhat. My handwriting and spelling improved as the journal proceeded into 1996. My ways of thinking changed. I can see why it's important to keep journals, but looking back on those cringeworthy years really is difficult. There were several times when I involuntarily groaned, or shut the book and closed my eyes so tight that the effort would surely block out or even erase the awkward past.

The experience may have started something. I'm now trying (slowly, slowly, and with much emotional anguish) to read other journals that have been sitting ignored on my shelf for years. Someday I want to type them up and add in explanations and what I learned, and even explanations of what I really meant and of who these people are. As they are, the journals are of little use to me or to posterity. Anyway, adding footnotes is better than burning them. 

Guess What I Found

I've been looking through old boxes, clearing things out, and I came across an old journal from 1995. I was surprised to find it, and frankly, not 100% sure I was ready to see what's inside.

It's awful. First of all, it has really cheesy teddy bears on the cover. That's not the worst part. The ridiculous misspellings aren't even the worst part. I started to read and felt physical revulsion. Everything I felt the need to record is horrible and embarrassing, not just for what I said but for how I said it.

I only got a couple of pages in before I had to quit.

It's too much. Too much! Maybe someday I'll try it again, but not today.