50... Ugh, Whatever.

1) The first thing I remember hearing about the book Fifty Shades of Gray was that it's very sexual.

2) Then I heard that it was actually pornographic.

3) The next thing I heard was that it wasn't very well written. It was worse than Twilight. It sounded like a 9th grader trying to be sexy.

4) Later I heard that the type of sexuality it employed was in the BDSM arena.

5) Then I heard that it was popular among moms, whatever that means. I mean, I know what, "Mom," means, I just don't know what the label, "Mommy porn," is saying about the book or our society. Are they insulting the book or mothers, or both? A lot of diverse people are moms so whatever the implication is, it's unclear.

6) Then I saw an article about how badly it represents the BDSM community. Apparently, one character ignores the other's safe word, which is a code word for, "Stop, this isn't fun for me anymore," which is rape.

7) Then I heard that the main character is more blank than Bella Swan, and that somehow she doesn't have an email address or use Google, and that all of the characters are equally flat.

8) Then I heard about more of the abusive, controlling behavior in the book. The female has to sign a contract that puts the male in control of their sexual relationship and, really, her whole life. This is objectification and abuse.

9) Then I heard that it was originally Twilight fanfiction, which explained the earlier comparisons I heard but actually left me with more questions THAT I DON'T WANT TO ASK BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THEM ANSWERED.

10) Then, THEN I heard that it propagates the idea that if you're nice to the mean person who doesn't respect you, and you do everything they say, eventually they'll come around and you can be healthily in love with each other. You'd think that'd come out sooner. That's total crap.

11 - 50) I'm getting sick of hearing about this franchise. Why is it even popular? I don't want to read it. I don't want to see the movie. I'm done talking about it. Onto the next controversial craze, please!

Beck Who?

Beck won album of the year at the Grammy's on Sunday, prompting a resounding, "Who is this guy?" from young people on social media. I won't pretend that it's more atrocious to not know Beck than it is to not know Paul McCartney, but it is still pretty sad.

The thing that really shows their ignorance, though, is NOT that they've never heard of Beck Hanson - they are young, after all - it's that these kids have never lived in a world without Google. Rather than putting what they don't know on display for the whole world, why not just look him up real quick?

But search engines won't really tell them what they need to know. It won't tell them that the first day the amusement park started running their best roller coaster backwards, Loser was blaring over the loudspeakers, or that Devil's Haircut was playing the first time their mom and her best friend snuck out of a sleepover to meet boys, or how excited their uncle was when he found out the high school marching band was going to get to play The New Pollution, or that Two Turn Tables and a Microphone was the first song that played as their favorite teacher left the DMV with her new driver's license. It won't make them get it. It won't make them feel it. It won't make them teenagers in the correct decade for being a teenager.

On the other hand, it will make them look a little less obnoxious.