Work Still Sucks

I promise, not everything I post will be a work complaint, but I do have another one.

Sometimes I have to tell a customer something along the lines of, “That’s a really good idea / interesting point. What you want doesn’t exist in our company, or possibly in the universe, so I’ll have to notify management that our customers are requesting it. They’ll be happy to make the change if they deem it feasible and beneficial to the whole.” In those cases the customer is likely to reply (in spirit and action, if not in these exact words):

“That doesn’t give me exactly what I want right this instant, therefore it doesn’t help me at all. By extension, you are not helpful at all. You are bad at your job and this is a horrible company. My mom never told me ‘no,’ or even, ‘wait,’ and now I’m a 45-year-old toddler who no one likes. Allow me to explain to you in a condescending tone, using glib clichés so you’ll be sure to understand, that your job is to do whatever I say, regardless of what a ‘computer’ or ‘natural science’ will allow; even if it’s ridiculous, even if it hurts the company as a whole. I proclaim dishonor upon you and your house. As soon as I hang up on you in a justifiable breach of social decorum, I’m going to complete a survey detailing the ways in which you suck so that, hopefully (if your company knows the meaning of justice, which I now doubt), this ‘management’ entity you speak of will dock your pay and berate you publicly. Perhaps then you’ll understand that the rules which were carefully planned for the good of all simply don’t apply to me. I am not everyone else. I am the customer and I will have satisfaction! Exeunt!”