What's Ambition?

I think I'm crazy.

I don't have a job and I need a job, but I don't WANT a job. At all. People ask me what I'm going to do now, and all I can think of is things like: finish the book I'm reading, clean my bathroom, dye my hair, write a few things down, decide on a costume for Comic Con, etc. What I'd really like is to go back to school full time. I hope I can make that happen.

I'm 31. I just joined a family ward instead of a singles ward. It makes me feel old, which makes me feel even sillier for not wanting a job and for wanting to dye my hair bright blue. It's like part of me wants to have my 20s because I slept through them. Maybe I will get to in some way.

I've never been ambitious. In every job I've ever had, I've never wanted to advance. I didn't want to become a supervisor or a boss, not even for a bigger pay check. This is the closest to ambitious I've felt in a long time. I want school. I want silliness. I want to say, "Screw it," to all the things that hold me back; all my inhibitions.

I want to be happy.